Feeling Nostalgic

The bashing the I got of my last post seriously made me consider deleting it. I have not - as yet -. As I would proceed, the functions would get complicated and I am pretty sure the number of points of contention would keep on increasing. Seriously reconsidering - whether I should go ahead with the analysis. Frankly, I am beginning to feel it is not doing anyone any good apart from satisfying my analytical mind. In the meantime I thought of writing down my feelings after spending exactly a month outside the country. Well I spent two months in London before. But this one month is different considering that the stay is going to be longer and I am not sure of going home anytime soon. Coupled with it, it's the Durga Puja time and this year it is going to be the first time I am outside my familiar zone during the festive season.
Someone told me tomorrow is Mahalaya, and that moment I did a few things:
1) Opened You Tube and watched clippings of good old Mahisasur Mardini.
2) Searched for this year's Sharadiya Anandamela, wanted to buy it online but found it too expensive.
3) I felt nostalgic
I remember the old days the mornings of Mahalaya and wanted to relive those moments with time. The gradual shift of time that I can visualize can be broken down into three periods:
1) Pre Sainik School Days (Till Class V): My mom would wake up at 4, I would be lying on the bed awake and watching mom, getting fresh, cleaning the rooms and being busy with one or the other religious/spiritual things. In the meantime the radio would be on. I would get up around 5 and watch TV with everyone else. The whole package would create an unusual feeling of joy in the heart which every Bengali would be able to identify with. For the others it is little difficult providing the explanation.
2) Sainik School Days: The day before Mahalaya would be spent planning to get up early as we did at home, so that we could watch TV: the same program I was referring before. Most of the time I would be late. However those were the days when the joy in my heart knew no bounds. In the hostels I used to prepare these chits called DLFGH, meaning Days left for going home. Every day we would tear off one page of those pack of chits. On the day of Mahalaya this pack of chits would be really thin. The sheer thought that I would be going home within 3-4 days made me so so happy!!!! I miss those days. I really do.
3) IIT days: The feelings by then had changed. Those sweet feeling of longing, the desire to go home were missing. Of course I felt happy feeling Puja has arrived. But it was not the same. Perhaps I was not a child any more.
Time has definitely changed, and so has the feelings. But this is one period of the year when I would definitely love to be with my parents, my grand parents. Then why am I staying back here. Why am I not running away catching the next flight, forget about all these craps of career, luxurious life and just do what my heart wants. Why am I so confused about my wants? Why is everybody else in this world confused about their wants?